End The R Word - For My Girls

Last week Lila and I were having a 

Mommy/Daughter afternoon out.  

We were in Target when I heard this:   

"Dude, knock it off!  You are such a retard!"   

And before I could stop myself 

I walked around the corner to 

the next aisle where I saw 3 teenage boys.  

I looked at them and said, "Excuse me".   

They looked over at us.  

I nodded my head toward Lila 

who was in the cart playing with her Mobigo 

completely unaware that anything was going on and said, 
"Please don't say that word.   

It hurts."

The three of them looked at Lila

then looked back at me and 

one by one
 they apologized.   

Mission accomplished.  

I wasn't rude to them.

 I didn't belittle them.

 I simply asked a favor. 

  "Please don't say that word."

The next time those boys think about 

using the word "retard"

I hope they think about a little blonde girl 

with pretty blue eyes.  

I hope they remember the words her mama said.  

And I hope they think of another word

 to use in its place.  

I'm not an argument waiting for a place to happen. 

 I don't walk around with a chip on my shoulder.  

 I'm not easily offended.   

I definitely don't think this is the 

most important battle I will fight on behalf of 

people with disabilities.  

I'm just a mom of two beautiful little girls 

that I love more than words can express. 

Right now my girls aren't even aware of the word.   

That will soon change.

More than likely they will hear this word

being directed toward them more than once
in the course of their lifetime.

It will hurt them.

I won't be able to protect them from being ridiculed

for something that is completely 

out of their control

and that tears me up inside. 

***

Retarded is a word I used to say quite frequently.  
my car was retarded
 my hair was retarded
 my makeup was retarded
 my boss was retarded.
I used the word without thinking
about what it really meant.
I used it without thinking about
how it would affect someone with cognitive delays
if they heard me say it.

Then I had this precious little girl 
and part of her medical diagnosis of Down Syndrome 
was described as the most frequent 
genetic cause of mild to moderate mental retardation.  
And something inside me changed.   
I stopped saying the word.  
I started hearing the word differently.

All of a sudden the flippant use 
of the word "retarded" 
 made me sad.  

I realize that people don't mean anything personal 
when they say the word retarded.
 I realize they are not directly talking about my girls.  

I don't think the word will ever disappear 
I don't think I will be able to 
convince everyone I meet
to stop using the word.

But I hope it makes you think

of my girls when you think 

of saying the word

retarded.

*** 

Retarded means slow.  
Some thoughts running through my head are
slow to complain
 slow to judge others
 slow to be negative
 slow to hold grudges


What about quick?  
quick to laugh 
quick to hug 
quick to forgive 
quick to love
 quick to be loyal
 quick to be kind
 quick to be honest
 quick to be grateful
 quick to be generous
 quick to be cheerful
 quick to never give up

 

 For the sake of my girls, I'm asking a favor.

Please don't use the word retarded.  
It hurts.

The new "R" word is Respect.  

Please show respect for my girls 
and take the other "R" word 
out of your vocabulary.

Thanks to Tiffani for this picture!