Your thoughts please

Every day before Lila takes a nap we read books in her room. She chooses the books from the stack beside the chair.

This one? No. This one? No. This one? NO! How about this one? Uh-huh. And so we read. And read. There's one book that we read every day. It's a counting book. She loves it- she holds my finger with her hand and we count the items on each page. Yesterday the pages of the book stuck together and we went from 1 to 3. She said No! 2! The number 2 is on the 3 page so I said where's the 2? And she pointed at the 2. So I asked her a few more numbers and she got all of them right but the number 8.

So I started thinking... about the way I do things, the things I try to teach her. Sometimes I think I'm so busy making sure that I accept her the way she is that I forget how much potential she has. I know how fast she catches on to most things but I don't want to push her too hard- where life just feels like a bunch of work. Have I been so careful not to expect too much of her that I don't expect enough of her? I'm trying to figure it out. We sing songs a lot, say the alphabet, identify colors, identify shapes, draw shapes on her magnadoodle, etc. But I never really quiz her. Is that a bad thing?

One more thought I'm having. Why don't I quiz her? Is it because I don't want to be disappointed? Am I thinking this too much? Would love to hear your thoughts- even anonymous comments- especially if you have a kid with DS. : )

EDIT: Obviously there's no way that anyone but me could know if there's some subconscious reason that I don't quiz Lila about the things we work on. That wasn't a question that I expected to be answered, it was just a thought I had as I was blogging.



  1. Just quiz her ma. It's not a big deal. There is absolutely no way possible for any of us to be disappointed with her. Lila is beyond amazing. You also happen to be an amazing mother. You've always challenged Tiff and me, not having expectations for us (whether realistic or not) but simply pushing us to be the "Best" (lame, I know) to do the best and to live up to our potential. When we failed, this didn't keep you from doing what you do. Regardless of what Tiff and I did, you always knew what we were capable of, and while we don't exactly know what Lila is capable of, it doesn't matter. You never held expectations over me or Tiff's heads. I'm positive you won't do that with Lila. Be the mother that you have always been, just like you won't doubt Lila's potential, don't doubt your own. You're the best ma. I love you.

  2. And you've got to be one of the proudest mothers that I know. You'll never stop being proud of or loving Lila and thus you'll never stop being half of a blessed duo of parents. Remain faithful to G-d, to Lila, and to yourself. You're the best mother anyone could ask for. I'm equally proud of you.

    (And when I said "failed" previously, that was from my perspective, your perspective was always a stern but a very unashamedly proud encouragement to get back up and try again.)

  3. Yes, you are thinking this too much. You are a great mom and you need to trust your instincts. I've been there and watched you and your instincts are good. Lila is extremely bright. Guess my expectations were too low cuz she always amazes me. She's very intelligent. She may not be real quick with her motor skills but her mind is sharp. I've always thought she was smart and she has great capacity to learn. So do what you are doing. Keep stretching her. I don't think you will push her too much because you are very intuitive. And you DO quiz her. When I was last there you were quizzing her on animal sounds and counting.

    Also, life IS a bunch of hard work. We all are learning all the time so don't worry about her having a lot of learning to do just take it a step at a time. Yes, she has some challenges and may learn some things more slowly but she'll still be learning the usual things so do what you did with your other two. When she's ready she'll learn, if you think she's a bit frustrated back off and introduce it later. You'll know.

    And just listen to your son. You raised two great kids already and they are proof that you are a great mom.

    Still waiting to hear from a mom who has a kid with DS!!

  4. Great thoughts to think about, Linda. I wonder the same thing. We cheer Aidan on - but do we challenge him enough? He's so very proud of himself when he accomplishes something he knows is big (like climbing up onto the sofa, or standing like your Lila is doing.) I have started saying "you can do it," and "I believe in you," more, and now my big boys are copying me. That last one is the message I want Aidan to hear - and really, I want each of the boys to know it for themselves too.