Well, I'm going to Texas today. By myself, unfortunately. The doctor said that even though Lila's feeling better I shouldn't take her. She is still very congested- probably because she's teething- and it wouldn't be a good thing for her to fly. I'm sad that I won't be taking her. I thought about postponing my trip but decided not to after talking to my sister and thinking about missing the memorial service. So I'll go. With hesitation, I might add. I'm nervous about this trip and taking Lila would make things so much easier for me. I know that sounds selfish and it pretty much is. So I'll put myself out there and let you in on what I'm really thinking. The most shallow and superficial reason is that Lila would distract people from noticing that I've gained about 10 pounds since I was there last. (I told you it was shallow.) But mostly I think I'm just nervous because I'm going to be seeing 3 people whose lives have drastically changed since the last time I saw them. My sister doesn't have breasts anymore and will soon be starting chemo. My former boss doesn't have a husband anymore and she's all alone. A very dear friend of mine has a husband who was also diagnosed with cancer and is currently being treated at 2 different hospitals as his cancer is very aggressive and advanced. And I don't know what to say to any of them. I know that I don't have to say anything but I wish that I could just think of something. Having Lila there would bring so much joy but for some reason she's just not supposed to go. And for some reason I need to do this by myself. And for some reason blogging about it just makes me feel better.
Please say a prayer for my sister Brenda, my former boss Shelley and my friend Sheila's husband Bruce.
Hopefully I'll be posting some pics of my beautiful nieces and nephews while I'm in Texas.
Bye!
Linda
I think you're not being shallow, but deep. The weight issue is one I am battling too, so I understand that there are deeper emotional concerns. People (including me) let their weight rule their lives often (ex. my sister won't go swimming right now because of how she looks in her bathing suit - even though going swimming might actually help her get the exercise she needs so that she can be more confident about her weight.)
ReplyDeleteHaving Lila with you might help you feel more comfortable, but perhaps they need to be able to be with you without being distracted right now.
As hard as this trip sounds like it will be, have faith in yourself.
Will be thinking positive thoughts for you and this difficult trip. Take care.
I totally understand the shallow concern. I know it's frustrating. BUT, you are so much fun no one will even notice!! Well, except for the ones that read your blog. They will be checking you out looking for everyone of those pounds. Bet they won't be able to tell so you just forget about them, too.
ReplyDeleteI know there's a reason you can't take Lila. I'm sorry you can't and I know the rest of the family is, too, but you will be able to have different conversations than you would if she were there and maybe that's what's needed. No distraction. Especially since this will be such a short trip.
I pray you have a great time and know the right thing to say at just the right time and when to be quiet and just give a touch or hug.
Waiting for those pics....! nag, nag, nag. You haven't even left yet! I love you!
Oh no, I hope you enjoy your time without Lila. Sometimes it is easy to use our kids to distract us from life, but I'm sure you and your words will be much more comforting to your friends and family than Lila would be. Praying for you over the next few days!
ReplyDeleteHave a safe trip. Linda. And don't worry, you will know what to say to everyone when the time comes, I'm sure. I'm sorry you can't take Lila, though. And no, I don't think you're shallow! We all think that way when we're going to see people we haven't seen in a while, no matter what the circumstances are.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry you are surrounded with so many people that are so sick. Try and enjoy your time away. Saying a prayer!
ReplyDeleteHave a safe trip and just follow your gut. You're all probably feeling the same anxieties and are nervous, each about your own worlds being exposed. You'll probably all see each other and hug away the nerves. Take care and safe travels.
ReplyDeleteYou are NOT selfish, I would feel the same way! Have a safe trip!
ReplyDeleteHow was your trip? Did Lila do okay without you? I hope you had a great time and enjoyed spending time with family and friends.
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