Lila's parents are ignoring her

Lila's behind the gate of her playroom and it's a good thing. Nick and I are glued to the television, in awe of the magnificent number of people that are attending the inauguration.

I didn't sleep well last night. It could have something to do with the vanilla bean cheesecake that I ate last night around 9:00 p.m. at our friend's house. I didn't even want the cheesecake! Then again, nobody forced me to eat it. : ) Caffeine that late in the day has never served me well. The older I get, the more if affects me. I have a lot on my mind and not being able to sleep provided me with the opportunity to ponder everything. I had a physical yesterday. As I have recently been thrust into the "high risk" category for getting breast and/or ovarian cancer because of our significant family history, I had a lot of questions for the doctor. To give you a little history, I had a hysterectomy in November of 2008 but I kept my ovaries. 1 day after my hysterectomy I got a urinary tract infection which is quite common. In the next 8 months I had 11 urinary tract infections. Not that common. I saw a urologist, had an ultrasound and an MRI. Got nowhere. I had incredible pain and unexplainable weight gain. I went to our family doctor after getting nowhere with the urologist. He told me that he suspected an ovarian cyst and wanted to rule out ovarian cancer. He took some blood to test my hormones and sent me for a pelvic ultrasound. It was determined that I had cysts on both of my ovaries. The cyst on my left ovary was hemorrhaging. This would explain the pain, the weight gain and the urinary tract infections. I was happy to have some answers. After the ultrasound the doctor 's nurse called to tell me that everything looked good- my blood tests came back normal and the ultrasound didn't look like cancer. Great! Back to yesterday. I couldn't get in with our doctor so I made an appointment with his PA. I have seen her before and like her very much. We were reviewing my medical history and she asked me about the follow-up from my last ultrasound. I told her that the nurse had called to tell me that everything looked fine and that there was no need for follow-up. She looked at me, said "excuse me" and left the room. She came back in a few minutes and told me that the radiologist that read my films had recommended future ultrasounds and close follow-up to monitor the cysts in both ovaries. What? Apparently there WAS cause for concern and either my doctor never read the results or mis-read the results. Not good. I am going for a follow up ultrasound this Friday and it says right on my order ovarian cancer. Nice. I'm also going for a mammogram on Monday- I'm due for another one anyway- but I will be getting mammograms twice a year now due to my risk factor.

So I guess to say that I'm scared right now is a bit of an understatement. I'm trying not to think about it but it's always there in the back of my mind. I think about my pregnancy with Lila- and the number of times we were told to prepare ourselves that she wouldn't even survive the pregnancy. God gave us this beautiful child- surely He's going to allow me to live to take care of her and fight for her. That's a bit extreme and I realize that but it's one of the thoughts running through my head.

Enough about that. I'm signing off to watch the inauguration. Please say a prayer for me and I will post again about this when I get results.

Linda